A Cockroach Marathon

Yeah, strange title, I admit. But let me explain.

Last weekend Ruby's bilingual preschool asked us to take our turn watching the oh-so adorable pet cockroaches that reside at the school during the week. Not plain old cockroaches, mind you, but giant madagascar hissing cockroaches. The girls kept begging to hold them when we brought them home. You would think they'd be terrified of them, but they had almost no fear of them at all. It seems more and more clear to me that fear is a social construct. For example, hundreds of thousands of people die every year in America in car accidents, but only a handful from deadly spider bites. Yet the ratio of arachnophobia vs automobiphobia (my invention) proves our fears are illogical and absurd. Why doesn't the hair on our necks stand on end every time we step into a car ... as we are exponentially more likely cheating death than if we see a spider on the ceiling. In attempt to summarize–fear is organic and mortal. It can take whatever shape you allow it to, but you have the ability to mold it, trim it, or even kill it. I'm working on killing some of my own.

One example - a marathon. I wouldn't say I was terrified of running a marathon. What I would have said 18 months ago would be to say that the work and discipline required to reach that ability is greater than my desire to do so. (if that makes any sense) In the end, my fears were buried in several layers of justification. The fear of giving up junk food, being a fat guy at a gym, failing and gaining everything back, setting a goal I couldn't reach, and on and on.
In the end, in fact, I decided to commit to a half-marathon. And once I finally committed to douse those fears in Round-Up until they shriveled into nothingness, only then did I realize that all of those fears were nothing but self-deception - they were a mirage created by my poor habits in attempt to stay alive and thriving in my mind. And once I realized that they were nothing more than smoke and mirrors, it was then that I broke through the false barriers of fear and lost the weight and began running and training. The half marathon was difficult for a formerly-fat newbie, but I realized a marathon would be the most appropriate slap in the face for those habits that fed on my fears for so many years. It was one of the hardest, if not THE hardest thing I have ever done, but I'm so happy to be able to shove that marathon medal into the faces of those fears to remind them that they no longer have a home here ... that they have been exposed for what they truly are. Freedom from fear is critical, beautiful and profound freedom in life. I have many more fears to expose and purge, but I'm happy to be making progress. This marathon was a great milestone (pun intended, unfortunately) in my battle against fear.

In other news, life is good. It's the day after the marathon and my new fear is that I'll walk like a 94 year-old for the rest of my life! I'm more sore than ever in my life. Holly has been kind enough to massage my legs now and then, but they're so tender I'm afraid the meat will just fall off the bone! But I suppose I'll heal and be back at it in ... a few years :)

Sonoma keeps growing and getting more and more adorable. We're about to start letting her cry through the night and are dreading it. It's so hard to listen to that ... but not quite as hard as losing sleep for endless nights to come. She's generally a very mild and happy girl -- she's fantastic.

Ruby and Olivia are enjoying school and just love spending time playing with each other. Lately they've really taken to the CD player downstairs and love to sit and dance and sing along to all the random CDs Bailee and Holly have given them. It's entertaining to watch ... and if you don't watch, they'll make sure to stop and remind you to watch them.

I'll try and shorten the soapbox for next week!

This week's recipe: Homemade Tortilla Chips (they were so tasty!)

2 cups corn meal
1 cup white flower
Add water and mix until it sticks but isn't sticky
1 tsp salt
1 cup veg oil

Put the oil in a pan and heat it up to fry the dough. Mix the dough and add the salt in. Break the dough into small balls that are roughly 1 inch in diameter and roll out as thin as possible. Then cut into quarters (triangle shaped) and toss in the pan for a few seconds, then flip them over. When they're just turning golden, quickly grab with salad tongs (or whatever), let the oil drip off as best you can, then place onto paper towels or some material that can soak up some of the oil.

I like them unsalted, Holly perfers a bit of salt. Throw them all in a bag, toss in a few pinches of salt and shake the bag. There you go.