Resurfacing: Part 1 - Lice and Newtown

I have wanted to write for a while now, but trying to document the events of the last few months has seemed altogether overwhelming. I'll do the best I can before too many details are lost in my memory, ...and before more crazy things happen.

Our trip to Utah over the holidays was a ball of emotion including happiness, love, anxiety, depression, fear, sadness, joy, disappointment, shock, confusion, and more.

This was the first time on an airplane that Olivia could remember, and it was Ruby's first time at all. They were SOOOO excited!!

It was, of course, just wonderful to see and reconnect with family. It was therapy for our souls to hug grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends. It is a beautiful thing to love and be loved. We are so blessed to have the network of people that we do in our lives. Our excitement was peaked and our joy was full for the first 24 hours or so of being in Utah. It was euphoric. Truly.

Josie, Aunt Sharlene, Kristen, and me

Grandma "Kiddy" and Sonoma

....then I discovered that we had brought some very unwanted guests with us via Sonoma's head (insert dark cloud of despair and depression). LICE. AGAIN. AAAAAARG!!!! I promise to the world that I had been very vigilant about making the children wear lice spray to school each day. I still checked them periodically after I thought I was rid of them. I knew that it was still going around at the school, so I thought I was very careful. Somehow, Sonoma had gotten them. It may have been from Olivia's original case, or it may have been a new batch that one of the girls brought home on a backpack or something. Irrelevant. The point was that we had them. Again. At my very tidy in-law's house. On a holiday vacation that I desperately needed. Plus, Adam had to work on this vacation, so I was to handle this largely alone. Again. He was already at work when I discovered them on Sonoma.

Running through my head were the people with whom we had come in contact. The hugs we had already exchanged. The poor saps on the plane ride next to us (especially the nice lady who let Sonoma watch a movie on her laptop). You can see a bit of her here in this photo:

I dreaded telling everyone, especially my in-laws. I also thought about all of our big plans that would most likely not be happening. Skiing, sledding, ice skating, holiday parties, visits with old friends, etc. It was time to quarantine. What a nightmare. So, I began to carefully de-louce my 2 year old daughter's head - a head that doesn't hold still very well, while trying to keep my severe disappointment to myself. Adam would spend hours that evening checking for lice on the heads of those who had been near us (thankfully, no one else would be traumatized this time around, except for the trauma that comes with the very mention of lice, and the inevitable itchy scalp that follows).

Josie gave Sonoma a haircut to make lice removal easier.

 She wore a shower cap or hat to keep the lice and/or treatment on her head and no where else!

I was in the thick of dealing with this... and then my phone rang.

Adam was the first to give me the news about the school shooting in Newtown, CT, a town about 20 minutes from where we were living. A town that was home to a number of our friends. The same town we drove to every Sunday for church. When he told me that several children had been shot, I burst into tears and had to hang up. Even now, when I think about that moment, I begin to cry. It is still something indescribable, so tragic. There just aren't words.

As the day unfolded, amid keeping my children at bay who were desperate to go visit friends and family (but of course, I couldn't allow that with the lice), and checking their heads, I learned more unnerving details about the shootings. The most heart-wrenching of which was that one of the victims of the shooting was Emilie Parker, the cute little girl who sat in primary classes with my girls at church. The girl whose mom had mentioned to me that we should get our girls together for a play date soon just a few weeks earlier. A little girl that my children knew and would miss and would wonder about.

Earlier that day I had thought to shelter my children from the sad news. I was grateful to be in Utah during this tragedy, removed from the horror of it all, just a little bit. Had they been in school that day in CT, which is in the same district as Sandy Hook Elementary, they would have gone into lockdown. It would have been confusing for them - scary. Although we were on the other side of the country, we were effected on a personal level, and I would somehow have to tell them about what happened.

When I did finally tell them, I was careful to only divulge what I thought they needed to know:
There was a man who made a really bad choice... his brain wasn't working properly... your friend was killed.... she is with God now...
Viv was quiet and got a little teary. Ru didn't really acknowledge what I had said. She changed the subject. I gave them the opportunity to ask questions, and we hugged each other. The next day, I asked if they wanted to write about their feelings in their journals. Viv declined, but Ruby drew this beautiful picture of her friend.

The next days are a bit of a blur in my mind. I remember being very emotional. I feel I was in shock. I went through the motions of checking my children for lice, doing copious loads of laundry, vacuuming, dousing everyone in tea tree oil,  etc. I'll admit that the shootings in Newtown really put my lice calamity into perspective. I kept repeating to myself that at least my children were alive. I made a conscious effort not to watch the news or to read too much about the details of what happened in Newtown. Each time I did, I was in tears. I received many, many emails from friends and the church in CT. I was so close to what had happened with the connections we had made, and yet we were so far away. While we were overcome with sadness by what had happened, and while we, as a nation - and around the world, mourned the loss of so many who had died, we didn't have to go through the deluge of sorrow and shock that swept over the entire community of Newtown and surrounding areas. Their experience, I learned, was even more personal, raw and ... well, again, there just aren't words.

Adam and I were fortunate enough to be able to attend the viewing (me and my sister, Josie), and the funeral (Adam) for sweet Emilie Parker in Ogden, UT. It was such an incredible experience. I loved seeing all of the pink ribbons around the town in her honor. I loved watching an amazing slideshow of her life. I loved the feeling of peace that was present amid the sadness. I loved embracing Alissa and sobbing with her for a moment when time stood still and emotions ran freely. I loved seeing Emilie's two little sisters, dancing around in beautiful pink dresses, too young to fully comprehend what was going on. I loved taking a small part in an event that reminded me that there is something out there grander than us all, that this life is not the end of the story, that our relationships are precious, and that love is all that matters.